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does anyone know any good blonde jokes?

Question by Eleanor: does anyone know any good blonde jokes?

Best answer:

Answer by Patricia
ICE FISHING:

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing.
She’d seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary “tools” together, she made for the nearest frozen lake.
After positioning her comfy stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.
Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.” Startled the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino and began to cut another.

Again from the heavens, the voice bellowed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.” The blonde, now quite worried, moved down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”

She stopped, looked skyward and said, “Is that you Lord?”

The voice replied, “No … this is the Ice-Rink Manager….”

Blonde calls 911:

A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher. “They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!” she cries.

The 911 dispatcher says, “Stay calm. An officer is on the way. He will be there in two minutes.”

Before the police get to the crime scene, however, the 911 dispatcher’s telephone rings a second time, and the same blonde is on the line again.

“Never mind,” giggles the blonde, “I got in the back seat by mistake.”

Blind man telling blonde joke:

A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet.In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 lb. blonde with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she’s a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde and she’s a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that joke?”

The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

Hospital:

A redhead, brunette, and blonde are all in the hospital waiting to give birth.

The redhead turns to the brunette and says, ” I was on top so im going to have a girl”

The brunette looks at the redhead and says ” Well i was on the bottom so i’m going to have a boy”.

All of a sudden they both hear snifflin, and turn to look at the blonde and she is crying and bawling her eyes out, and they say ” Whats the matter honey?”

The blonde says with a sad face ” I’m gonna have puppy’s!!”

God and the Blonde Nun:

One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her. “My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish,” said God.

“Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways,” said the nun.

“There must be something you would have of me,” said God.

“Well, there is one thing,” she said.

“Just name it,” said God.

“It’s those blonde jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blond jokes to stop.”

“Consider it done,” said God. “Blonde jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans everywhere. But surely there is something that I could do just for you.”

“There is one thing. But it’s really small, and not worth your time,” said the nun.

“Name it. Please,” said God.

“It’s the M&M’s,” said the nun. “They’re so hard to peel.”

The Lawyer And The Blonde:

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $ 5, and visa-versa.” Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now some what agitated, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $ 5, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $ 50!” figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?” The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

7 Comments

  1. Glad to see a confident blonde ask: love your close cluster of 7 best answers

    Like mega talented Diana Vickers, you are no dumb bimbo airhead, eh?

    Not jokes, but I hope they make you smile!

  2. Nope. But here goes some Vin Diesel ones;

    Vin Diesel was originally cast as Aragorn in Lord of the Rings. He was fired for eating the Hobbits between takes and making Orlando Bloom his bitch.

    You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel’s diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

    🙂

  3. A blonde goes to her doctor who tells her she is going to have a ninth child.
    The blonde immediately gets upset and starts crying. The doctor looks at her and asks what the
    matter is. She looks up and says she is scared to have this ninth child. The doctor looks at her
    confused and ask,”Well, you’ve had eight children. Why should the ninth be any different?” She
    looks at him and says, “Because I have heard that 1 in 9 children are mexicans!”

  4. how do you kill a blonde? you put a scratch ‘n’ sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool 🙂

  5. Q.How do you make a blonds eyes sparkle?
    A.Shine a flashlight in their ear.

    Q.What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
    A. Theyre both empty from the neck up.

    Q. Why did the blond leave a coathanger on her backseat?
    A. Incase she locked her keys inside the car.

  6. Did you hear of the suicide blonde? She ‘dyed’ by her own hand.